Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
