Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
