literally had 100 drinks last night.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
