there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
