He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
