things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
