If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
