how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize