Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
