Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
