Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
