k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
