Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
