she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
