I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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