Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
