I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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