Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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