my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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