If that was your dad, he is hot
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
