i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
