So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
