This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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