brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
