that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize