3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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