I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
