He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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