so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i believe in u and ur pee
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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