I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
