A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize