don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
