sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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