You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Please don't give away my fajitas
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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