chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
