Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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