I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
