okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
