Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
