My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
