Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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