You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
