i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
