you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
