just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
