I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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