i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Too much gin, very little bucket
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
