I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My life is pants optional.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
