Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ambien. No doubt about it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
