Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
