my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
