Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
