that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just cropdusted the office
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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