fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I party with great urgency now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
