if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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