Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
17 year olds will be the death of me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
