Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
