she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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