you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize