I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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