You're my little dorito
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize