and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
the liver wants what the liver wants
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
