All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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