You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
