just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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