THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
