do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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