I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
