I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
